Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
