If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
