honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
