Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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