He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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