I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize