Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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