No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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