You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
