dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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