First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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