My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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