Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
