I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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