Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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