you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
