Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
