My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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