didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
