That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
