I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
