Define "chronic" masturbator.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
