So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
