My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
