I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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