I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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