If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
