I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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