porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
