If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
