You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
