i love accidental penises.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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