So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
