a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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