your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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