I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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