I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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