he puts the penis in happiness.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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