Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
