I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize