I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
