I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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