Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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