I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
