How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
