It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
