TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
