butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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