I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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