If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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