Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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