I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
