yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
