i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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