you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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