i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
