I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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