I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
