How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
