Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
