Heybabeimwearingurpanties
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
