i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
