He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
