If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
