He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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