And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
