He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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