I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
