my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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