and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
