She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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