You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
