Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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