Capitaan dildo arrescate!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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