I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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