the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
