there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
