Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
