How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
