I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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