What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize