Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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