Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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