I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
