I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
