it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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