Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
