That's intense
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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