If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
