You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
