What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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