I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just cropdusted the office
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
