I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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