Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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