I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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