so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
