Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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