So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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