my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
