the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize