She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize