Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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