Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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