areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
