Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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