Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
