you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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