he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
