Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
