I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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