respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
