Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
