she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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