the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
