Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
porn star boner night. come get it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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