So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And then he peed in my hair
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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