I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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